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By Dean from the Dean Blundell Show

MY WIFE IS A BITCH.

Not all the time. Most of the time though. It's funny. when you get married you think “yunno what I'll try and give this a real good go and we will se what happens” Well, it has happened.

Every day for the last two weeks we have fought. Nothing major, just a lot of bickering about tying the dog up or why I bought another pair of crocs. Why she feels she needs to clean the fucking kitchen and make us all wait for her to go to the beach. Why she asks what I am doing when she can see that I am reading the paper. Why I didn't get the water right when she asked. Why when I tell my kids “it's time for bed.” she says “oh, don't worry about it, you can stay up.” Or when she's tells me she'll meet me in 10 minutes it's a fucking hour. Or when she buys earring's she bitches at me cause I bought my kids a new bathing suit. When she's says “Desert is food” and tells the kids to finish it all.

I spent the last two days by myself as she was out of town. I missed the hell out of my kids. I love them dearly which is why I am still married. Not cause I worry about them not having us together but I am afraid she's going to bitch them into becoming alcoholic assholes like me. I was afraid she would come back with them...which she did and look the fuck out.

I never understood divorce till I was married and every time I talk to my friends they all share similar stories. I wonder if I should just check out or hang in there because almost everyone else is as miserable as me. It's a weird place to be in life cause you always pity people who have gone their separate ways and you say “Shit, that's me.”

I don't feel this way about all women, just her. So does her whole family. Yet somehow I'm the asshole.

Yesterday after I asked for the third time what was wrong she said I was yelling which I wasn't. When I asked again and she said “If you don't know than I am not telling you”. Then I got mad. She said “See your getting angry.

Maybe I am the Bitch. I am still here.

The Dean Blundell Show is heard weekdays from 5:30am to 9:30-ish on 102.1 the Edge and worldwide at www.edge.ca

The opinions contained in this column are the author's own and do not reflect those of the EYE WEEKLY editorial staff.

 

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